Friday, December 31, 2010

The end of the year....

31st december 2010..... The end of probably one of the worst years of my life.... Where I was this time last year and where I am now.... When i had everything and when i lost it all.... There isn't any use pitying yourself they say... There isn't any option except to move on.... But move on to what..... I have lost so much this year I'm scared to go to the next.... They say when you hit rock bottom there's nowhere to go but up... But what if next year i discover there is.... That rock bottom can give away beneath your feet and you jus keep fallin fallin fallin..... And yet I thank you Lord for this year... For all the things I don't feel thankful for right now but should be...

Monday, September 13, 2010

there will be beauty

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i can't understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Monday, August 30, 2010

be still

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Being still...
Be still....
Finding rest...
Simple words yet so unimaginable... So beyond reach... Beyond what we can fathom... To be still... Find rest... In the eye of the storm... In the burning fire... When the tempest rages most... When the Savior is not in the boat... Either by choice or by thought....
To be still....  

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Gone with the wind...swept away to be sure!!!

Scarlett: [pleads with Rhett as he is about to leave to join the Confederate Army] Oh, Rhett! Please, don't go! You can't leave me! Please! I'll never forgive you! 
Rhett Butler: I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'll never understand or forgive myself. And if a bullet gets me, so help me, I'll laugh at myself for being an idiot. There's one thing I do know... and that is that I love you, Scarlett. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. Because we're alike. Bad lots, both of us. Selfish and shrewd. But able to look things in the eyes as we call them by their right names. 
Scarlett: [struggles] Don't hold me like that! 
Rhett Butler: [holds her tighter] Scarlett! Look at me! I've loved you more than I've ever loved any woman and I've waited for you longer than I've ever waited for any woman. 
[kisses her forhead] 
Scarlett: [turns her face away] Let me alone! 
Rhett Butler: [forces her to look him in the eyes] Here's a soldier of the South who loves you, Scarlett. Wants to feel your arms around him, wants to carry the memory of your kisses into battle with him. Never mind about loving me, you're a woman sending a soldier to his death with a beautiful memory. Scarlett! Kiss me! Kiss me... once... 
[he kisses her] 

Rhett Butler: No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. 

Rhett Butler: I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands. 

Scarlett: What are you doing?
Rhett Butler: I'm leaving you, my dear. All you need now is a divorce and your dreams of Ashley can come true.
Scarlett: Oh, no! No, you're wrong, terribly wrong! I don't want a divorce. Oh Rhett, but I knew tonight, when I... when I knew I loved you, I ran home to tell you, oh darling, darling!
Rhett Butler: Please don't go on with this, Leave us some dignity to remember out of our marriage. Spare us this last.
Scarlett: This last? Oh Rhett, do listen to me, I must have loved you for years, only I was such a stupid fool, I didn't know it. Please believe me, you must care! Melly said you did.
Rhett Butler: I believe you. What about Ashley Wilkes?
Scarlett: I... I never really loved Ashley.
Rhett Butler: You certainly gave a good imitation of it, up till this morning. No Scarlett, I tried everything. If you'd only met me half way, even when I came back from London.
Scarlett: I was so glad to see you. I was, Rhett, but you were so nasty.
Rhett Butler: And then when you were sick, it was all my fault... I hoped against hope that you'd call for me, but you didn't.
Scarlett: I wanted you. I wanted you desperately but I didn't think you wanted me.
Rhett Butler: It seems we've been at cross purposes, doesn't it? But it's no use now. As long as there was Bonnie, there was a chance that we might be happy. I liked to think that Bonnie was you, a little girl again, before the war, and poverty had done things to you. She was so like you, and I could pet her, and spoil her, as I wanted to spoil you. But when she went, she took everything.
Scarlett: Oh, Rhett, Rhett please don't say that. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for everything.
Rhett Butler: My darling, you're such a child. You think that by saying, "I'm sorry," all the past can be corrected. Here, take my handkerchief. Never, at any crisis of your life, have I known you to have a handkerchief.
Scarlett: Rhett! Rhett, where are you going?
Rhett Butler: I'm going back to Charleston, back where I belong.
Scarlett: Please, please take me with you!
Rhett Butler: No, I'm through with everything here. I want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn't something left in life of charm and grace. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Scarlett: No! I only know that I love you.
Rhett Butler: That's your misfortune.
[Rhett turns to walk down the stairs]
Scarlett: Oh, Rhett!
[Scarlett watches Rhett walk to the door]
Scarlett: Rhett!
[runs down the stairs after Rhett]
Scarlett: Rhett, Rhett!
[catches him as he's walking out the front door]
Scarlett: Rhett... if you go, where shall I go, what shall I do?
Rhett Butler: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
[Rhett walks off into the fog

Sunday, August 1, 2010

LET IT GO - Bishop TD Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over and you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift - I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......


If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .....


If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....


If someone has angered you ........


If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......


If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.....


If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents


If you have a bad attitude.......


If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......


If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......


If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......


If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.....


If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........


If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......


Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2008!!!


Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then.


"The Battle is the Lord's!" 

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What is Love

Love has patience, is kind; love is not envious; love is not vain, is not puffed up; does not behave indecently, does not pursue its own things, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. Love quietly covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.
Perfect Love has no man than this....
So none of us have loved because Love, True Love, never fails.
If an imperfect Love could cause so much pain, how much more to one perfect love, holy and spotless and pure.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The best of them all

I think we shall let the story speak for itself.....

She is tolerable, I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me.
Pride and Prejudice
Mr. Darcy to Mr. Bingley about Elizabeth Bennet, Chapter 3.

I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.
Pride and Prejudice
Darcy to Miss Bingley, Chapter 6.

She hardly knew how to suppose that she could be an object of admiration to so great a man.
Pride and Prejudice
Elizabeth about Darcy fixing his eyes on her, Chapter 10.

Elizabeth, having rather expected to affront him, was amazed at his gallantry; but there was a mixture of sweetness and archness in her manner which made it difficult for her to affront anybody; and Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her. He really believed, that were it not for the inferiority of her connections, he should be in some danger.
Pride and Prejudice
Chapter 10.

More than once did Elizabeth, in her ramble within the park, unexpectedly meet Mr. Darcy. She felt all the perverseness of the mischance that should bring him where no one else was brought, and, to prevent its ever happening again, took care to inform him at first that it was a favourite haunt of hers. How it could occur a second time, therefore, was very odd! Yet it did, and even a third. It seemed like wilful ill-nature, or a voluntary penance, for on these occasions it was not merely a few formal inquiries and an awkward pause and then away, but he actually thought it necessary to turn back and walk with her.
Pride and Prejudice
Chapter 33.

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
Pride and Prejudice
Chapter 34.

There was certainly at this moment, in Elizabeth's mind, a more gentle sensation towards the original, that she had ever felt in the height of their acquaintance.
Pride and Prejudice
Elizabeth's changing relationship with Darcy on first visit to Pemberley, Chapter 43.

But that was only when I first knew her, for it is many months since I have considered her as one of the handsomest women of my acquaintance.
Pride and Prejudice
Darcy on Elizabeth, Chapter 45.

You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.
Pride and Prejudice
Darcy to Elizabeth, Chapter 58.

They walked on, without knowing in what direction. There was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects.
Pride and Prejudice
Elizabeth and Darcy, Chapter 58.

Do they really meet...? Elizabeth and Darcy....? Through it all? In spite of the odds? In spite of themselves and who they are and where they are and what they are? Will they really meet....? Elizabeth and Darcy....? Will they....

Monday, June 28, 2010

The last of Jane Austen

"There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature." 
 Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey)
And with this I end my exploration of Jane Austen which is as far as I will go. I fear I will ever get the time or the inclination to actually read any of the books. Though if I must read I will definately read 'Pride and Prejudice' which I think was her best work ever yet. Even the characters she created in it infinitely superior to all the others let alone the story and the plot itself.
Anyways I just finished watching Northanger Abbey in quick succession of Mansfield Park, Emma and Persuasion. Honestly quite disappointing especially after Pride and Prejudice. I still haven't fully gotten over that one.
But one thing I must say, what i liked most of all, was Kathy. So innocent almost childlike. In the movie she looked only ten instead of the eighteen she is supposed to be. 
But I wonder if people like her exist in this world anymore or if they do, exist long enough?! Or are they hurt into silence or driven to despair or worse yet moulded into the world around them. I identified with her trusting again and again, being misunderstood, and being wronged again and again.
As one wise person, who ironically went on to break my heart, once told me, 'never love people Lydia more than they would love you'. And as Conner of the movie 'the ghost of girlfriends past' would say, 'the power in a relationship lies with the one who cares less'. How very true and yet how very sad.


"I cannot make speeches, Emma . . . If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."
And thus begins Mr. Knightley's proposal to the woman he loved all his life.
Is it true? Is it really true that if a man really loved a woman he would talk or do less about it than if he dint care at all....? And thus we could explain the great lengths to which men go in pursuing their flirtations but hardly lift a finger for the woman they would spend the rest of their life with.
But is this really true or just another way women explain and forgive off their men for the way they treat them and make them feel. And so comes the popular quote... "My dear! He is doing all this because deep inside he really likes you....!"
And so begins another very controversial film 'He's not that into you'.
I really don't know. All I can say is why can't he make both women feel special?! Why should one woman feel wanted and the other not? Why should one woman feel like dirt and the other infinitely loved? No one has the right to do that... to make a woman feel like her affections have been wasted.... to make her feel she was not worth loving.... that she was not worth wanting..... No one has the right to hurt... If he truly loved her he would know that.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The lost art of romance

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W. 

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never. 

Captain Wentworth to Anne Elliot" 
— Jane Austen (Persuasion)

And such was the beginning of the most awaited marriages of Austen's books.
One of the greatest downsides of technology adding to the rest, is the shallowness if i must say so, or the nonchalancy it renders to all our relationships. Gone are the days when one takes out the time and the effort to sit down to write a letter, contemplate over it and formulate it and the beautiful anticipation of awaiting its reply. Now we can simply just send a text message or post a scrap and expect an instantaneous reply. 
Gone are the days when a man actually spent years observing and then courting a woman only to marry her later. Now we can just date and 'see where it goes'.... Gone are the days when a man would write or say such words to a woman that its readers years later could actually feel and experience his agony and pain to have to live with his unrequitted love."A man does not recover from such devotion of the heart to such a woman! He ought not; he does not." Now most relationships i know start with "!!" Or a woman for that matter spends a lifetime pining for one man just because he was the only one who made her feel like a woman."All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one: you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone!" 
Not that i have any ill feelings to the above mentioned occurences, i for one being most frequent with it all. But where if i may ask is the depth... where has our depth gone? Have we now sunk so low as to treat our relationships with the same feelings that we dish out to our 'two minute noodles'?!! Where are the sentiments and the graces gone now... the courting... the romance...? Are they to be banished as the events of a bygone era to be read about only in books or seen only in period dramas? Have we lost them forever as an accepted casualty of mordernization and advancement?
I hope not... oh dear... i do hope not...

hello world

hello there!!!
and such begins my entry into the world of blogging....
brought on by a need for an outlet or nothing better to do or one of my impulses in my current sleep deprived state (it is 12 night btw....)
but whatever it is it'll be mine...
am posting one of my favourite pieces just for good luck!!!
ps-hopefully this improves my typing skills as well ;)